CHANGING...

It had been so long… for me…. To actually type this blog again.

Everything had change in these period.

You are not the jess I know earlier. Your attitude towards me had change 180 degree.

 Every mon, wed, and fri. u will still cook for me… but the feeling of eating dinner is actually changed. We never even speak one or two lines when we are eating. Even when I volunteer to wash up all the dishes after eating…. Argh… we just wash our own plates separately after finished eating. We never even wash it together and wait for everything is finished just wash.

Cooking for me seems like a burden for you is it? Maybe I shall cancel it?

This whole week I had been throwing rubbish alone. Aiks, as you say I didn’t ask for help.whatever. I had been noticing that the way you talk to me had changed too. When I talked to you, you never even want to look at me. Had I been really a problem for you? Or you think that I lost my “li yong jia zhi”. Maybe keen wai can handle all the thing you need.

I know that when the day keen wai and you go back together. You two had been hang out together. I think it is really fun ba.. Maybe your relationship had been stronger to keen wai after this. But it’s ok for me. But actually I am not ok with it. I don't have any chance to actually improve and maybe repair our relationship – as your relationship with keen wai is growing stronger and stronger, your relationship with me is going down down down down.

You never even care for me too much lately. Never speak to me. And the motive to come my room is just to find keen wai. I am really jealous. But now I know that I had no more 资格 to jealous. Maybe now I am not even a normal friend to you. I will rest…

And all I thought is that when the time I bring the car to puchong, everthing will change. Maybe I am too naive or bring up the car at the wrong time. nothing change, only worst thing happen. It had been a burden to fetch you all and need to hear all sort of comment ( I means after a week, all of you will comment on my driving skill). You had started to comment on me today morning. Why you don't want to pass the road. I know that when this  sentences come out from your mouth means you had doubt on my driving skill. And by the time you reach your company, you never even thank me and say bye to me(which you done to keen wai everyday). Maybe you think that it is a must to fetch you to company. After keen wai treat you so nice like a princess.

Do you still remember the first time xin yan drop you near our company and you had to walk all the way back to your company. I know that you had been really stressdul to walk so long distance. I plan to walk with you de that time, that time maybe we are still friend. And then when keen wai bring his car come and fetch you straight to your company. I know that you are really grateful, really happy and think that he is really good(but actually he is). He know more thing than me, computer knowledge, how to treat girl, programming, gaming, almost everthing. It had been really a deep pain for me to undergo this.

I think that I should stop writing this blog, and delete it forever? No. As long as you feel satisfied, even without me. I will be happy too. But once you criticize and comment on me badly, I would really feel it. And by the time you need to collect money from me, that is the moment when you look directly into my eyes. I really hate this. You like very scare or not dare to collect money from keen wai, but for me you can open your mouth with ease. I dunno what to do, but as long as you happy enough lar.. When you had problem, the first person whih will appear in your mind is keen wai, not me anymore. I dunno the trip back to your hometown got anything happen or what. I just had a feel that I had been discriminate/boycott from you two.

Are we still friends? Maybe? But for sure, not the close one……..

This is really bad.

Bye.