27/9,28/9,29/9 (Feel)

Lol, I had been lazy lately, not really lazy, because I cant type in carson place.
So 27 is erm... I forgot what we do liao, maybe is Friday ba. Just like normal day.
I just know that you keep on nagging tomorrow you need to go to camp very early in the morning, that's all. haha. And I m feeling excited when you want to go to carson house. >.<

Then 28 is like, morning already can't see you, just sms you on the plan to go to carson house, it end up you did not manage to get there. Haha. So I go there alone. I can't see you the whole day... That's all for today.

And today is 29, and I started to see you back. But once I saw you, you say you want to kill me, say I tell you to stop at tbs... what?!?! I never replied you le, there's some misunderstanding there, I really hope that you will lose confident in me just like xin yan because of this. I'm really sorry. By the time you tell me at the bus stop I cant be trusted, and look back at the message, I feel really sad, heart broken. N in our conversation in the journey back to puchong, you keep on tell me about your senior in the camp. Just stop it... I really don't want to listen to it, I know that you meet a lot of people. care for so much people. Argh.... I must change, change! CHANGE! I won't be so childish as ever again. I must improve myself. I must prove that I can do it. I really feel that I m so far compared to the senior you mentioned to me. You even waited for him to reach home before you sleep, that's a good one, you are so Caring. But that's a good point of you ^^. Then we went back, and then that will be the first ever time, the first ever time you cooked for me, thank you very much. Your food taste is quite same with me, I can really accepted what you cook. But my table, NOOOO...

Actually you cook de thing also quite nice ma... Keep it up.. ^^
Enjoy your chrono cross o, but don't forget the interview tomorrow.
That's all for today, don't shocked me again.
Actually still got a lot to write but it's late now. Good night.

25,26/9 (Distance)

There's nothing really special happen in this two day... I just feel really depressed. Really useless... I shall not be angry with keen wai for not waiting me in company. It's all my fault? I don't know. Today xin yan had been selected as the admin for our company. Should I be happy for not being selected? Should I be sad? Angry? I don't know... I really need to find someone to speak.. After she had become admin. Of course all the support work will be throwing onto me like hell.. Everything is out of control when I keep receiving phone call today while she is being teached by the boss and i'm just like a noob there picking up the phone like nobody business...

I don't know whether I m really stupid or what... it's just that... maybe I m not hardworking enough in my company? Not smart enough? Or what?? I tried to be really hardworking. try to create a google doc and list out all the company problem and shared between us... But I end up giving it up... I think it's enough of babbling. I think this is not important, i'm just writing this to release my stress. Feeling better now...

You went offline when I trying to chat with you today. Maybe you want to watch video ba... Actually I really need some encouragement now... But... Nobody really cares... Because I'm not really that IMPORTANT!

Feeling Drown.

24/9 (Normal)

Finally, I wrote my log book today, I don't even think of writing it anyways. thanks to my roommate finally I got my mood to began writing.

Compared to this blog which I've been writing today, I think that it had become a habit before I sleep. Today is just a normal day, go to work, waiting for work to dismiss and come back to meet you. that's al about life in puchong. it's a dry dry place without air corn and cold wind during the night.

It was really hot tonight... I actually plan to have a walk around the park de... but when i go to your room, i saw you enjoy watching running man. I sat down and i am addicted to it too. so just watch the running man lo... i saw your mouth bleeding, please drink more water ya... treat your body nicely...

That's all for today. Good night ^^

23/9 (Distance)

I'm thinking for the conversation between keen wai and xin yan about me all the time. I start to feel that I need to keep a distance between you and me. From time to time, I can see clearly that they are 'helping' me, which will make thing worse, or better. But for me, I really don't like this... I promise myself that I will keep a distance with you as much as possible so that I can to avoid anything wrong to be happen.

And at the work time until work dismissed, they keep on creating chance for me to call you, to jio you out and eat dinner together, to ask where you park the car. I know what is the purpose of creating this, but I just don't want it to be keep on happening over and over again. you get what I mean? Then we are back to house again. I tot that I can avoid you by playing games and watch some shows, just shut myself in the room alone.

But the problem is, I can't. I just can't stand it without talking to you one day. OMG. When you sit at my side while I playing game or watching movie. I just felt that I need to talk to you, to care about you... I had brought back some 'gui ling gou' for you de. But I end up finished it myself, also because of that 'thing'. Next time I will buy for 4 of us lor... haha... that'a all for today. Good night.

22/9 (Conflict)

I came back from Malacca today. When I came back, you were still sick.. So kesian.. You said that you will go get an MC tomorrow when you see the doctor. You keep on stressing that the clinic is very near to your company. what does this indicates? If I drove back here, I would surely fetch you to see the doctor immediately. But the problem is, would you accept my ride? You liked to help people, care for people, attend to their problem and help them solve it, comfort them, and everything, but when you face problem, you will just solve it yourself. This shows that you are a tough one, a strong one. But the thing is I can only look it through the outside of you, I had never look to the inner part of your heart. Of course there's still a lot of barrier to access to your inner heart.. But I will try..

Then you went out, thx for the watermelon. And thx for watching this idiot play game. I start to think that you care for everyone, not just me. And I think that it has been a mistake, a big mistake for me to start to like you. It's just one way trip. You know what, I had been thinking of you the whole journey back from Malacca to TBS.

Now, I started to think that I lost the ability to create topic between two of us. I start to feel scare, scare of loosing you even as a friend, scare that you will shift back to ukm when you know the truth. Tonight, I learnt from keen wai that xin yan and him are discussing about me. He told me of their conversation. After I heard that, I feel discourage, disappointed and sad. I'm really confuse when I heard it. but, when I see this blog, I know that I must continue it, as far as possible. I must not be affected by others. This is my story, perhaps our story. And I am the one who shall try my own path..

21/9 (Home)

I went to office, as usual. Maybe you are still sleeping. Then I heard some conversation about you cooked for keen wai yesterday, and again..... I am full of sour again... n my colleague had promised to fetch me back to seremban, so that I can take my bus at there back to my hometown. I am thinking whether to bring all 4 of us going back, but due to time problem, I think next time ba. I had reached seremban on 3.30. I feel lucky cause the bus to Malacca had just take off... my goodness, I need to wait till 4.30pm. I plan to walk around terminal one station to waste my time. I saw the belt you are interested. I thinking of buying one. but I decided not to, y? because of what? I really don't know. when I treat a girl nicely, she will keep a safe distance from me. that's what I learnt. I heard that you got sick yesterday and I ask xin yan to give you the medicine I brought. she said you ady called her to buy another one. ok. accepted. but just feeling not right.

In the bus station, what appear on my head is you. can't you stop appearing in my sense. I really don't know what to do, what to plan, and everything. I just want to treat you as a normal friend and I scared when I treat you differently, you will start to avoid me for the next 5 months... I don't know what is love, and I don't really think that you like me now. the situation had change... omg. what can I do now... I even start to miss you when I returned to home...

20/9 (Candle)

Today is a normal day. I went on training at viva home and come home lately. I dunno what happen in home... Tonight 4 of us had played with all the kids together. We had a fun time there, forgetting all the stress. I saw you really like the small kids, just as she is your daughter ^^. Hope you are a mom who don't really scold your children la. haha. And there's a moment when I played with keen wai and accidentally hit xin yan. I saw you shaking your head upon seeing this incident. I felt shameful, really shameful f myself, of what I did. seriously. but can I change anything? no. That's not a big deal la. today just end like normal again. And when I saw you keep on caring on keen wai, I felt jealous again. why... ><

19/9 (Jealousy)

today when I woke up, saw you watching the fish. I ask some question n nobody answer me. ok, so what... maybe nobody wake up yet. I went to company as usual. but not really usual I think. I received a call from my supervisor and learnt that I had been given a chance to attend a training in vivahome at cheras. I am excited. I went there happily, meet some friends and so on. but the problem is I need to implement this software in 2 hotel later on which is a big challenge for me. I know that when I am outstation, keen wai and xin yan will be suffering during support. as I thought, they came back hopelessly. keen wai even feel angry when I ask hin about the company's matters. I really dunno what to say. of course I want to tell them what happen in my training, but I just can't. it is not a good time. maybe they will feel happy when I emo ba... I really dunno la... and the big problem is jealousy. when I see you keep talking with keen wai, and seems like I not even exist, the feeling really doesn't feel good, it's just like when I want to join in the conversation, I had been kicked out.. omg. y m I so useless. I end up saying I want to watch running man and go back in, but I m still listening.. y can't you just talk to me like this yesterday, I really jealous, not feeling alright now.. all the good feeling I had in today morning had been washed away... completely... and just jealousy fill into my heart.

FEELING HORRIBLE.

18/9 (Disappointment)

Today morning wake up saw you just walk out.. no eye contact at all... ntg to say at all... what had happened? Because I brought the medicine for you? Why when I treat a girl nicely, they will think that I wanna chase her, n then try to avoid me? you are one of them? I dunno. In the company, I had being scolded by customer, n then my boss and colleague laugh at me. even I fell shameful on myself... I came back emoly. Nobody really concern about me. I end up walking down to the building and walk for about an hours. the moon is extremely bright that night. I feel hopeless and think that life is so difficult... but just no one, just no one to give me any advise or comfort. my heart is really cold.

17/9 (Medicine)

It’s just like writing my buku log le. Even the content of this blog is more than buku log. Haha. Btw, today start up by someone knocking on my door, dunno who’s that, then wake up as usual. I saw you suffering from running nose. Like very 幸苦lo. Then I decided to buy some medicine for you when I having my lunch time. Ok, it is lunch time and I went to brought the medicine, the fellow say got allergy ma blab la bla.. and I end up by buying 10 pills which cost me RM10. Zzz. One pill one ringgit. Then I sms you and know that this is normal for you… omg. Nvm lo. I just keep it lor.. then when I dismiss from my work. Saw u all waiting downstairs. Nothing much to talk through. And then by the time they are all gone, you asked me whether I got sick or not and why I go to buy pills. I said that because of you lor without any eye contact. I not dare to watch your face when I said that. Just like that… for today… feel emoo… zzz… good night.

16/9 (Volunteer?)

Today I had been waked up on 8.45, earlier than expected. Then go to do volunteer with you two. I dunno whether this trip plan out to be, I will just follow you. When we reach there, I was just quiet all the way, together with xin yan. I feel that my soft skill is really bad and I can’t really fit into their conversation. I need to 自我检讨 on that. And of course, we had been separated into two groups. And by the time when you are being pull over to the other group. I got that feeling again… what la… stop thinking man. Then the session went out just okok lor. I don't really feel comfortable until the very last moment when we are packing things, I just release myself to free mode. Then we went back, tiredly. N saw my roommate, and that night he keep on asking stupid question…. I really dunno what to say… okay, tomorrow need to work again… gambateh… to you and to me too… T.T HELP ME!

15/9 (Erm...)

It’s Sunday and of course two of you wake up early in the morning to go to pasar and buy me some breakfast. 感恩。Of course my roommate had been long gone and I decided not to go back home. So after the breakfast we had started our gaming session in my room for the whole day… whahaha… 够颓废一下. After having lunch, you showed me the newspaper about my horoscope which stated that I need to be careful  as the relationship I eager to have will be interrupted by someone. But when I see your horoscope, it stated that you and your ex will be together again, is that odd? Dunno le. Then we continue gaming till 5 smtg. We went to swim. And that is the first time I felt something. Ok the swimming session started out smoothly, and 3 of us is paying all our attention to you (in order to teach you swim). But the problem is that I started to erm.. leave you and both of them and continue my swim alone. I dunno what is this feeling… So the swimming session when out normally and finally you had overcome the fear of immersing yourself in the water! Congratz! The days goes on by playing games in my room. Haha^^

14/9 (First Outing)

We went for our first outing to IOI mall together with Xin Yan. I start to think the outing will be really dull as I am not the one which can 炒热气氛. As I thought, the outing started out to be really cold. But then as time goes on, I found that it was not really bad. I know a lot of things you like. And also thanks for choosing the belt for me, even though I miss the discount price on the branded belt, I will appreciate the belt you choose for me, and of course Xin Yan la. As we walking from shop to shop, I feel good when we had the same interest shop to be in, popular! We started out separately, but when we met, you hand me a wedding photography book. You said that is romantic, 赢完了。Haha, but I answer you I can only see money in the book. Maybe that is not the answer you want ba. LOL, but that time I really dunno what to say… Perhaps I should ask back you whether you want a wedding ceremony like this? I really dunno.. haha. After this we went on to wendys and you stop by when you see your favorite belt. I should had stopped and giving you some opinion. But the thing is… Xin Yan called me to follow her to wendy and I dunno what to do… If I would be given a chance again, I would surely stopped. I promised man. Sorry for that ( I also dunno you care or not lar). Things go on and we ate the 2 big pizza and all the wendy’s fastfood. That's all for today.

2/9-13/9 (Time goes on)

Start to know you bit by bit. Getting closer and closer as days when on. As days goes on, I start to feel that you are a caring person, just like my “mom”. For a few times, you are the one who knock our door just to wake us up (and always the first one). And of course, you are little bit boy-ish when me and keen wai discuss about the games, you can really fit in nicely, that’s another good point of you^^. And of course, you will always throw some food into my bowl when it is lunch time/dinner time, thx for the caring o^^

1/9 (First Contact)

1/9

First time meeting you, not really though, maybe it will be the first time talking to you. Found that you are not really so cool as I thought. Maybe is the  错觉 you gave me since I not really understand you in ukm ba. Haha. First time suan you and first time to really interact with you. Just know that your frequency is almost same as us, so all the worries is gone for now. ^^